Conan Quotes:
"Yesterday in Queens, a priest was arrested on charges of cocaine possession. People got suspicious after his seven-hour sermon entitled 'Why I Am So Cool.'"
"This week a 12 year-old boy was accepted to University of Chicago medical school. When asked why he wants to become a doctor the 12 year- old boy said, 'I want to help my fellow man and see boobies.'"
"Last night on 'American Idol,' controversial judge Simon Cowell called Christina Aguilera 'a slut.' Today a furious Aguilera said, I am not 'a slut,' I am 'the slut.'"
"Yesterday in Connecticut, a former priest performed n exorcism on a ten-year-old boy. After the devil was successfully exorsized from the boy, she returned to co-hosting her show with Regis."
"All I ever wanted was a Barbie Dream House...a place that I could call my own, for me to share my joys and dreams with Barbie. That's when I heard it -- those four words that would haunt me for the rest of my days: IT'S NOT FOR BOYS."
"Anna Nicole Smith says she wants to strip nude in an upcoming episode of her show. It's all part of the E! networks First Annual Whale Week."
"Last night on American Idol, 350 pound Ruben Studdard was voted the winner. Ruben said he was thrilled because this is the first contest he's ever won that didn't involve eating pies."
"N 'Sync announced this week they are heading back to the studio to work on a new album. When asked about it, a spokesman said, 'They tried solo careers, but they're much more successful when they suck as a group.'"
"Yesterday, it was reported that Saddam Hussein's wife is trying to leave him. When asked why, she said, 'He's not the madman I married.'"
"I don't get paid enough to care"
Most people think we tape this show at 12:30. At 12:30 I'm at home watching porno.
"I love a crowd that pretends something's funny."
"Vomit facinates me...and it's all we'll ever talk about"
"Have you ever had Fruity Pebbles? Once that stuff hits milk, it turns into a narcotic!"
